literature

Another Episode

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Terrehbau5's avatar
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Published:
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Literature Text

I'm

A waste of space with
Nowhere left to run.
Out of control yet, a disordered distorted
Result of some fucked brain chemistry. I'm
Exactly what I never imagined when I was young.
Xtra everything,
I'm too much.
Can't separate self from illness.

I'm pretty

Damn tired.
Every morning
Presents the challenge of not connecting my throat to the nearest
Razor. Oh the razors. They seem like my only companion in this
Existance. My existance. Nothing but guilt and fatigue for me.
Suppose I'll never know how to supress
Self hatred. Hating myself. I'm the only person I've ever wished to
Erase. Erase myself forever. Please oh please someone,
Do me this one favor.

They say I'm

Scary, pretty creepy when I'm
Catatonic. They're even more frightened when I'm
Hostile. Red flag for homicide?
I'm not the amusing psycho they expected me to be. My mind's a
Zoo, a loud, fucked up zoo. All
Of the animals go unmedicated, just like me.
People I see aren't actually there sometimes.
Hearing words that were never spoken.
Really makes me seem dangerous,
Especially when the people or voices are threatening me.
Never mind the suffering,
I must be dangerous or attention seeking. I'm
Crippled by myself and my condition's stigma.

I can justify my

Scars and scabs. They stick out on pale skin like blood splotches on tissue.
Every mark has it's own story. A complete history. It has
Lived it's very own life through my poor coping skills.
Forever etched in my flesh are wounds from battles
I have yet to fight. Cuts are to cope for the moment. They don't solve my problem
Nothing really can. I
Just want to be distracted from the weight. The delusions. The self hate.
Under the pressure of the blade I forget what made me feel in the first place.
Really, honestly, I can't even describe the misery.
Youth was wasted on someone who wishes to be dead.
Sorry. I've got some issues.
Tell me when I've written enough to be a tortured poet.
© 2013 - 2024 Terrehbau5
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