A Delicate Thing

Sara, call it a cliché
Your eyes have put the hope diamond
Into jealous waves,
Rocking the oceans to their sandy bottom.

Your potential stirs up rust from
Ships once grand and majestic,
Now dormant in the cold dark depths
Of eternity and praying to take it all back.

Sweet baby girl I want you to know,

I've seen the world's frigid hands.
I've stared death in the eyes and told it to take the shot.
I've tasted rot and blood and diseases without a trace.
I've felt myself being blended into ashen sludge.
I've smelt temptation and allowed it to sweep me off my feet.

I want you to know,

When someone tells you they don't like you because of your tummy, I'd like to see you to spit in their awful face.
You deserve love, ribs or rolls.
When you think you're worth less because of the number on your jeans, I want you to call me. I'll remind you your heart is as big as it's got to be, and that's what matters.
You are not to be ashamed of a number.

I want you to know,

When you eat a cake and someone comments on how much weight you'll gain, I want you to remind yourself they can get bent in your head.
You don't have to carve numbers in your skin with broken razors, or burn the same numbers with an extra mile for the week or a lighter.
You are far beyond seeking control in giving it up to a disorder that will stop at nothing to take you from me.
Baby sister, I'll spend my dying breaths fighting for you.

I want you to know,

The sadness may overwhelm you.

I also want you to know,

I will drop everything to help you find your way out of the dark.

I want you to know,

When you say no, that is final. Do not budge. I don't care how much they say they love you.
You do not have to justify not being ready.
When someone ignores your no, rip their still beating fucking heart out of their pathetic chest.
Literally.

I want you to know,

You're never too young to be in love, and I will not judge you for the target of your affections.
I'd like you to remember to feel everything. Sadness, joy, loss, rejection, and passion. Grow from these feelings and show the world your astounding colors.
Do not suppress something as profound as sentience with blades, booze, or benadryl.
Crying will never be weak, nor will loving too much.

I want you to know,

These 17 years have been cruel to me.
You may face the same fight.
But as long as I wake up every morning,
You will not have to fight any demon that dares threaten you alone.

I want you to know,

Your true friends will be good to you.
Those that are not will fade away.
You may believe at some point you have no friends,
But you will always have a big sister.

I want you to know,

Your laugh isn't weird,
There's nothing the matter with your face; you don't look like whatever the cat drug in,
You certainly aren't stupid,
And you are loved beyond comprehension.

Sara I want you to read this whenever you are unsure.
If you question your value, your true worth and your importance, read this.
If you believe the world would be better if you were buried, read this.
If you think for even one second that there is something wrong with you, I want you to read this, and read it again.

Sara, you are a diamond, nothing can scratch your surface. You are strong.
Some days I feel like the Titanic, crushed and decrepit at the bottom of the sea with no hope of return or restoration. I have been weak.
I have let myself and others down rather consistently,
But I'll be damned if I wont do better for you.