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About Literature / Hobbyist Member june ✿Female/United States Groups :iconwritersleague: WritersLeague
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Quick question, babe.
What exactly does kind of mean to you?
Boy, I'd walk barefoot on broken glass doused in lemon juice for
9,000 miles if it only meant I could hold your clammy ass
hand for a pitiful millisecond.
I'd rip both of my eyeballs out of my skull and sacrifice them
to any god you asked me to if it would keep you with me forever.
I'd do your chemistry homework if you had it.
I'd also do your calculus.
I'd stop using my favorite lotion if the scent bugged you.
I'd ditch the bikinis and hipsters and fill my drawers with pink
thongs if that would make you happy.
I have never wanted to rip you to fucking shreds after you call
me at 3 or 4 in the morning, drunk. In fact I've been glad to
hear your voice.
I threw away my only coping tools. Maybe it wasn't good, real
coping. But it was how I did it. And every last dull blade is
in the garbage and I haven't even broken up a razor and gotten
any "just in case."
...
I want to know what kind of means to you.

I know what kind of means to me.

Kind of - only a little bit.
Yes but no. I call her my girlfriend, but I mean come on it's
not real lol.

Kind of - when it's convenient for me.
I have a girlfriend when I need emotional support, but since
she's not really here, with me, right now, I don't have a
girlfriend when I want to fuck somebody.

Kind of - intentionally ambiguous.
I have many girlfriends that could see themselves as "kind of"
my woman.

Kind of - it's embarassing.
I'd never admit to being in a relationship with a girl I've
never met. That's stupid.

I know what kind of means to me.

I want to know what kind of means to you.

Am I here for entertainment? Convenience?
Am I part of a harem, or am I your shame?

I wish I was surprised,
but when I'm bled I bleed dry.
I hope
I do not anticipate

there is too much going on in
a small space, between blue lines
and red, paper and tissue
to distinguish reality from
implicit intrigue.

I hope
I do not anticipate

play-doh sculptures of cats
never look like fucking cats
when they’re dried up, and when
it’s been three years since you
have seen that piece of shit.

I hope
I do not anticipate

method actors that can’t pull
themselves from the character
a few words out of billions that
their imagination has forged.
wonder not where they got shuffled into the madness.

I hope
I do not anticipate

the difference lies in arrogance
never fully committed to the idea
that it will happen. I want. I ache.
though there is not a single bone
out of 200 some that expects fruition.
in less than 5 seconds of my arrival
i wish i knew how to make you mine but emotional vacancy leaves me wondering if i ever stood a chance
Loading...
typing the name that leaves the taste of decay and violence in my mouth into the search bar
first mistake.

wishing you knew what damage you have caused. what ashes of a human being you have left in your wake.
second mistake.

punching my wall 47 times because your face isn't available.
third mistake.

looking at the picture for your profile until the memories flooded back into my projector skull.
fourth mistake.
You think binge eating is what will make you strong? Will gain you respect? Do you think willpower is bred from endless self indulgence? Girls don't get to the top being spineless little fucks, you are well aware. You stand taller when you're weightless. Your spine is burdened by no weight.

Are you really so stupid as to believe the lies your instinct tells you? Sugar is fucking nothing. A few grains of addiction that melts itself down into fat that hugs your legs and stomach. Like you didn't already know. You can't plead ignorance to me, you knew it all along because I taught you.

Delusional people think that stuffing their face with the entire kitchen won't impede attempts at perfection. Stupid people think they'll just bounce back, like they're a rubber band rather than a plastic bag someone stretched out of shape with their finger. Are you stupid, girl?

This is your warning. All you have to do is comply. My rules are your rules, you act like we aren't the same. You lost the privilege of separating yourself from me a very long time ago, child. I am you, you are me, we share a brain and you, for some stupid reason, insist on denying me.

Is your goal a breakdown? Do you understand how much easier it is to just listen to me? No guilt, no regret, no self hate if you just fucking listen. Why would I ever mislead you, like I said, one in the same. Your motives are mine in disguise. You're too weak to admit you want the chaos I do.

So you've got a choice. Obey and achieve. Follow me and come out on top, powerful, strong, self-disciplined and respected. Evade, defy, violate our terms and wallow in your own disgusting fucking fat forever. Hate everything about your body. I won't cry for you, the choice is present.

Wrong is commonplace for you. So allow me to guide you and finally be right.

deviantID

Terrehbau5
june ✿
Artist | Hobbyist | Literature
United States
Check out my literature group and join please: :iconwritersleague:

I suffer from a few chronic mental illnesses and I am very sensitive to triggers. Please be wary of talking to me about subjects like specific weights, BMIs, caloric intakes, exercise patters, purging, restricting, and things of that nature. I would also appreciate refraining from mentioning self harm in graphic detail. Thank you.

I fall off the face of the planet sometimes and don't update shit for like three years at a time on accident so I'm sorry I just do other things and get caught up with things and I'm a dangass I know and I apologize but falling off the planet doesn't mean I hate you you're a little ball of fuzzy joy and if there was a plush of you I'd so buy it and squeeze it's cheeks.

Feel free to thank if you want you're awesome and mannerly if you say thank you for stuff. I'm not about to demand llamas instead that's assy.
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Terrehbau5 has started a donation pool!
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SAINTS:
:icongorebeecormick: :iconalcetore: :iconart-of-the-seraphim: :icondoofiesaurus: :iconnikafargos:

So I can buy a permanent membership that I really want because i have no actual money. Will make fansigns and give llamas for points too.

Fansigns for points: Fansigns will be made and uploaded Fridays and Saturdays only. If you ask for fansigns on a Saturday your fansign will most likely be made THE NEXT WEEK. To acquire a fansign you must message me requesting one and what you want the fansign to read . If caps/punctuation are important please include them. Please set the amount of points you are willing to donate (10 or more.) If there are any delays in the fansign being able to be made, I will notify you and your minimum of points to donate will be lowered to 5. Requests for provocative fansigns or images will be rejected immediately.

Writing for points: You may request a one-shot or a short story to be written. You must include specific plot details if you have anything specific in mind. If you simply want something like a fluffy love fest between you and Harry Styles and don't care about the other details, please state this.
Point outline for writing:
< 3,000 characters - point range will vary
3,000 characters - 30 points
4,000 characters - 40 points
5,000 characters - 50 points
etc.

As previously stated I will also give llamas for points. 1 or more points must be donated to receive a llama.

You must be logged in to donate.
  • :iconnikafargos:
    nikafargos
    Donated Aug 14, 2014, 4:44:03 AM
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    dAhub
    Donated Jun 6, 2014, 9:39:09 PM
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I'm bored as dicks and found a questionairre on someone else's dA so I was like "better put off finishing your character profiles for as long as humanly possible" so now you know my motives in this.

Age?
Nearly 17.

Sex?
Female

Label yourself (prep, goth, druggie, weirdo, etc)
Grunge fuckwit.

How long have you been cutting?
Over a year. Used to do unintentional self harm? Like, I would absentmindedly scratch my skin open when I got anxious.

Favourite tool?
I break shaving razors/take them apart.

Where (place) do you cut (school, home, etc.)?
Bedroom/bathroom

Do you have to wear long-sleeves & long-pants all the time?
I generally don't anymore but when I cut frequently in visible places (lower arms) I did.

Do you cut on your stomach, or chest?
Not frequently.

Are your legs, arms, & other body parts covered in scars?
Arms, upper thighs.

What’s your favourite excuse to use when someone asks about a cut?
I tell little kids I've got a mean cat and anyone else that asks gets a blunt "fuck you, it's no concern of yours."

Have you ever been hospitalized because of your cutting?
Twice. It wasn't ALL I got hospitalized for, but it's what sealed the deal in me going.

When was the last time you cut?
September 17th, 2014.

Off the top of your head, about how many scars do you have?
Easily over 125 visible ones.

Do you have (diagnosed) depression, and/or bipolar/bpd?
Depression, no BPD. I've had depression forever, I attribute the cutting to the development of my ED.

Who knows you cut?
Eveyone that meets me and knows that these scars aren't just birthmarks or some other odd thing.

Have you ever been caught cutting?
No.

Have your parents ever confronted you about a bloody sleeve, or towel?
Nope.

Did you have a good childhood?
Nope.

Why do you cut?
Punishment. Distraction. Relief. I fucking hate myself and want to see me hurt.

Have you ever talked to a therapist or counsellor?
Ye.

Do you want to stop cutting (but can’t because of addiction)?
Not particularly. I

Do you like cutting?
Pretty much.

How many times have you tried to commit suicide?
5.

What are your views on cutting, and other self-injury?
Get a hobby like writing or singing. This is 100% preventable, so don't fucking dip your toes in the water to even see what it feels like. Don't do it.

Do you like watching movies with self-injury?
Those exist??

Do you like looking at pictures of self-injury?
Eh.

Do you sometimes envy other people (non-self-injurers)
Reguarly. 

Have you ever taken any pictures of your cuts/scars?
Yeah. I don't think self injury is beautiful or anything. I have a fear of forgetting things so I "document" what the really bad cuts have looked like.

Do you want to die?
24/7

Have you ever done a school assignment on cutting, or self-injury?
No.

What do you like to listen to while cutting/depression/etc.?
I don't listen to anything. I don't want to associate music with self harm in the future.

Have you ever needed stitches from cutting?
There have been two times I should have received stitches but no one knew I needed them so I didn't get them.

Do you dream about cutting?
I don't do a lot of dreaming.

What do you use to bandage your cuts?
Gauze, sometimes tissue and tape.
  • Mood: Neutral
  • Playing: dick around

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:iconstarlightt1234:
starlightt1234 Featured By Owner Oct 10, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
:iconloveluvplz:thanks so much for the fave on THIS STUFF IS AWESOME #3!:iconaawplz:
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:iconspaceshipearth:
SpaceShipEarth Featured By Owner Oct 2, 2014
Welcome to :iconliterature-anonymous:
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:iconmisseridanampora:
MissEridanAmpora Featured By Owner Oct 2, 2014
thanks awfully for watching!
why, i believe i will watch back. you seem a fair young maiden, and a fine person at that! so, i must bid you adieu!
Reply
:iconterrehbau5:
Terrehbau5 Featured By Owner Oct 2, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you! This will be a wonderful mutual watch!
Reply
:iconmisseridanampora:
MissEridanAmpora Featured By Owner Oct 3, 2014
Indeed, madam!
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